Nothing Comes Out
by shulesaddict77
Summary: He'd only stopped by to bring her breakfast. He only wanted to show her how much he liked being friends with her. But apparently being friends was not what she wanted. COMPLETE


**I know it didn't happen that way. But the moment the end scene between Lexie and Derek was over, this jumped into my head. Because for once it would be nice if they finally had great timing and appear in the most convenient moment. LOL. I swear, I can't focus on my work until Mark and Lexie are finally together again. It's ridiculous. And the spoilers for the season finale don't help either. Enjoy! **

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**Nothing comes out**

"Where have you been all night?" Derek looked up when he heard Lexie entering the house.

"At the hospital. I was finishing your neuro research." Lexie replied tiredly, furrowing her brows when her eyes dropped to Zola between Derek's legs. "Why is she in a bumble bee costume?"

"She's thrown up on all of her other clothes." Derek explained, sounding as tired as she felt.

Walking towards the couch, she slumped down beside him, sighing heavily. She was bone tired and not only from working through the night. Not telling Mark about her feelings was exhausting. Maybe it was her tiredness, but she needed to talk to someone about her day, about her conversations with Mark, and Derek was the only one who knew that she still had feelings for him.

"Mark said that ... that he misses me, but I miss him. I ..." Lexie's voice almost broke when she thought about the intricate situation with Mark. "I really … I really miss him." Derek raised his hand, putting it on her back and Lexie continued with a strained voice. "He thinks that I still love Jackson. I tried to tell him that I don't. I tried to tell him that I still love _him._" Lexie couldn't prevent the tears from welling up in her eyes. She just couldn't take it any longer. "But I … I open my mouth ... and _nothing_ comes out, and everything is terrible."

"It's gonna be okay." Derek rubbed a soothing hand over her back. "It'll be okay."

Mark stood rooted to the spot. He'd come by with coffee and egg-free bagels for Derek and Lexie. Knowing that Zola had the stomach flu, he'd expected that Derek had been up all night and Lexie had told him that she would pull an all-nighter to finish Derek's research.

He'd opened the door without making any noise in case they'd already gone to bed. But when he'd closed the door carefully behind him, he'd suddenly heard Lexie's voice coming from the living room and what she'd told Derek had frozen him into place.

Apparently his brain was frozen too. He couldn't formulate one coherent thought, Lexie's 'I still love _him'_ ringing in his ears. For one second he contemplated if he should just turn around and walk away. If he should just slip out of the house without telling them that he'd ever been here. But before he even realized what he was doing, his legs had carried him into the living room.

"Excuse me?" Mark cleared his throat, making the two on the couch aware of his presence. Hearing his voice Lexie's head jerked around and her jaw dropped down. How long had he been standing there? Did he hear her telling Derek that she still loved him? But one look into his eyes made it clear that he'd heard everything.

"I'll get out of your way." Derek stood up before he leaned down to Lexie, squeezing her shoulder encouragingly. But Lexie didn't look up. Her eyes were glued to Mark's face and Derek could feel her body tensing up under his fingers. "I've told you it's gonna be okay."

Lexie turned her head slowly to look into Derek's face and whispered. "I'm not so sure about that."

"You are going to be okay. Just remember to breathe."

Lexie exhaled loudly and a sound, half sob, half chuckle, escaped her mouth. "Might be a good idea."

Derek scooped up Zola and walked towards Mark, taking one of the Starbucks cups out of the holder in Mark's hand. "Thanks for the coffee, Mark."

Mark didn't give him any reaction, his eyes hadn't left Lexie for one second and Derek could see a turmoil of emotions flicker across his eyes. At least he finally knew. Now it was up to him to decide if his love for Lexie was strong enough to give their relationship another chance and Derek went up the stairs, giving them some privacy.

Mark couldn't look away from her. He could see the tears shimmering in her eyes, could still hear her voice breaking when she'd told Derek about her inability to tell him the truth about her feelings. Now all the awkward moments over the last few months made a lot more sense. He couldn't believe how he could have missed it.

"Can I get you anything?" Lexie jumped up from the couch, fumbling nervously with the hem of her sweater. "Why are you here at this unearthly hour anyway? Ahh, never mind. I'll ... I'll be back in a minute, okay?"

Lexie tried to slip by him, desperately wishing that he would give her a few minutes to pull herself together. But no such luck. Before she could escape, Mark's hand shot out and he wrapped it around her arm.

"For how long?" Mark asked quietly and Lexie couldn't even pretend that she didn't know what he was talking about. Her gaze dropped to his hand on her arm and she could feel its warmth through the layers of her clothes and the tears threatened to fall again. Taking a few steps back, she took in a deep breath and looked up into his eyes.

"Since the baseball game." Lexie whispered.

Mark put the coffee and the bag with the bagels down on the table, rubbing his hand over his face. The baseball game had been months ago. But Lexie had still been together with Jackson at the time. Suddenly the realization what her reply meant hit him like a brick.

"So I was actually the reason you two split up?"

"Yes, you were. I tried to tell you yesterday, but you stopped me."

"You told me that you don't want to love me anymore." Mark said accusingly.

"I know." Lexie walked slowly towards the couch. She didn't trust her legs to not give out under her any second.

"Then why the change of heart?"

"There was no change of heart. My heart always belonged to you. But I really wanted to move away from you. Away from us. It seems that we always end up hurting each other, but … being without you is killing me, Mark. I can't breathe. Every day I get up I hope that I'm going to see you but when I actually see you, it feels as if my heart gets ripped out of my chest. I couldn't even tell you. I was scared you would reject me, because why shouldn't you? I told you to leave me alone and you moved on. You're happy with Julia but … I love you and the last months were a living hell. I know that makes me sound like a hypocrite because you must have felt the same way while I was with Jackson. I …" Lexie buried her face in her hands, her breathing became erratic and she whispered through her fingers. "It feels like I'm dying inside … and I … it's my damn fault that I've lost the love of my life … it's my fault ..."

Lexie lost the battle against her tears and her whole body started to shake with sobs as she just couldn't keep it together anymore. Mark rushed to the couch and sat down next to her, wrapping his arm around her. The moment Lexie felt his hand on her shoulder, she turned and threw herself into his arms, burying her face in his chest, clenching the fabric of his shirt between her fingers.

"Shh, Lexie. Please, please don't cry." Mark spoke softly, but she sobbed even harder as if all the months of pent up emotions rushed out of her. Hearing her heartbreaking sobs, made his heart ache and he tightened his arms around her, stroking soothingly with one hand over her hair.

Lexie pressed her body even further into him, trying to stop crying. But being in his arms again after such a long time made her realize once again how much she'd missed him.

She bit her lip, hoping the pain would stop the sobs, but when she took in a shaking breath and caught a swift of his unique scent, the tears started all over again.

She knew deep inside that the reason she couldn't stop had more to do with her fear that this could be the last time she was in his arms than with her overwhelming emotions.

Maybe he was just being Mark. Comforting her no matter what. Like he did during the shooting even though she had been with Alex. But back then she knew that he loved her. Now she wasn't sure if she hadn't pushed him away too hard. She hadn't been able to stop loving him despite all her efforts. But maybe he had succeeded. Maybe he'd stopped loving her.

But she had to let go of him eventually. When her sobs finally subsided, she left his embrace reluctantly, avoiding his gaze. Scooting back to the other end of the couch, she lifted her legs up and wrapped her arms around her knees. She didn't know what she could say. She feared when she would open her mouth she would beg him to stay. She needed him so desperately that she would do almost anything to get him back.

But it wasn't her choice. He was the one who had to choose. She'd never had a choice. Even when she supposedly chose Jackson over him she'd only buried her feelings for him. She didn't want to love him, because he was the only one that could really hurt her. But she'd realized that this was exactly the problem. He had hurt her in the past, but it'd only cut that deep because he was a part of her. She had tried to live without him, but a part of her was always with him. He was the one who completed her. Her other half. How could she ever think she could live without her other half?

How could he ever start a relationship with another woman? It wasn't fair to Julia, it wasn't fair to himself and it wasn't fair to the woman sitting beside him with a tear-stained face.

He'd never stopped loving her, he would never stop loving her. No matter how often she had hurt him, no matter how often he had screwed up. He would never stop.

"I'm sorry." Mark said quietly.

"What for?" Lexie asked surprised. "I'm the one who has to be sorry."

"I'm sorry for making you cry." Mark replied softly, leaning forward to brush his fingers over hers.

"It wasn't your fault."

"It is. Sort of."

"Maybe." Lexie smiled shakily. "Where do we go from here?"

"Can you give me forty-eight hours?" Mark asked. "So I have the chance to process all of this?"

"I've waited for months, what are forty-eight more hours?" Lexie tried to joke, but her voice betrayed her when it broke over the last words.

I know it's a lot to ask for, Lex." Mark squeezed her fingers. "But I don't want to rush anything. Not this time."

"Okay."

Mark stood up and Lexie followed him to the door. Before he reached the curb he turned around, saying quietly.

"Forty-eight hours, Lex." Mark took a look at this watch before his eyes searched hers again. "Wednesday. Ten o'clock. My apartment."

"Wednesday. Ten o'clock."

~M&L~

Forty-eight hours later Lexie was standing in front of his apartment, trembling with nervousness. Taking in a deep breath, she raised her hand and knocked.

"Hey." Mark said, after he'd opened the door.

"Hey." Lexie replied with a shaking voice. His face gave nothing away, his expression was completely emotionless.

"Come on in." Mark stepped aside and let her in. When he closed the door after her, he asked politely. "Can I get you anything?"

Lexie swirled around and balled her hands into fists, gritting out through clenched teeth. "Mark! I'm a nervous wreck here. Please just tell me."

"Wine, water or something stronger?" Mark continued without reacting to her outburst.

"Mark Sloan, do I have to beat it out of you?" Lexie exclaimed furiously.

"I have to admit I'm tempted to take you up on your offer." Mark deadpanned.

"What?" Lexie asked confused, searching his face for any signs that would tell her what decision he'd made. When she saw a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth relief washed over her. "What about Julia?"

"I called her the moment I left the house." Mark replied.

"Meaning?"

"I broke up with her."

"And you let me wait for forty-eight hours to tell me that?" Lexie asked angrily, starting to pace in front of him. "I hardly slept anything, Mark. I couldn't. Every time I closed my eyes I saw your face and I've asked myself a billion times how I should go on with my life if you don't choose me. How could you do this to me? Damn, and now I'm crying again. I should be dry like the Sahara by now, considering how much I've cried over the last few months because I was convinced that I've lost you. I ..." Lexie looked up and stopped dead in her tracks, when she saw the big grin on Mark's face. "What are you smiling at? This is not funny. I ..."

Mark had stepped forward and stopped her rambling by pressing his lips on hers much like the last time at Joe's bar and like the last time the moment his lips touched hers she melted into his arms, sighing quietly before her hand reached for the base of his neck, threading her fingers into his hair.

Mark opened his mouth slowly and trailed his tongue teasingly over her still closed lips. Lexie groaned deep in her throat, pulling his head further into her, her tongue darting to meet his, kissing him as if her life depended on it.

When they needed to come up for air, Lexie leaned back slowly with still closed eyes and licked her lips. Hearing Mark's deep chuckle, she opened her eyes and looked up into his face. His fingers caressed her cheeks and Lexie could feel the tears pricking the back of her eyes when she saw the love in his eyes.

"You are choosing me?" Lexie asked quietly, her voice full of wonder.

"Yes. I'm choosing you." Mark replied softly. "I love you, Lex."

"Pinch me!"

"What?"

"Show me that this is not a dream."

"It's not a dream, Little Grey." Mark leaned down and pressed a soft kiss against her lips.

"Why?" Lexie asked suddenly.

"Why what?"

"Why do you give us another chance after everything we've put each other through?"

"Because I never stopped loving you, never stopped hoping that you'll be the woman I'll wake up to in twenty years." Mark replied quietly.

"Then why did you put me through the pure torture of the last forty-eight hours?" Lexie asked accusingly, pinching her finger into his chest.

"Because I needed to think and when I'm around you I can't think straight."

"What were you thinking about?"

"This is our last chance, Lexie." Mark said barely above a whisper. "And I'm not willing to screw it up this time. And neither are you."

"Okay."

"We are in this together. Through good times and bad times. Especially the bad times."

"I know." Lexie said softly. "I'm not running away anymore when it gets tough and you'll stop making unilateral decisions over my head."

"Okay." Mark brushed his lips over hers. "So we are good?"

"We are even better. You choose me!" Lexie smiled happily. "I'll never let you go again, Mark Sloan."

"I hope so, because I'm not gonna go. Ever."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

Lexie stood up on her tiptoes, sealing their promises with a kiss. She was finally back in the arms of the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. Fate had thrown a lot at them, but they'd overcome all the obstacles. Barely. But they did it. She would not let fate interfere again. Mark Sloan belonged to her. Forever.


End file.
